American Names/Canyon Behind Her

1-05-10

I stared out our front window this morning at the monstrosity of a house that was built last year across the way. It sticks out like a sore thumb in our neighborhood and I believe it carried a price tag about 3x as much as any of the houses around here. A new family recently moved in after it sat on the market for a few months.

Anyways, as I stared out at that house I thought about where I was a couple years ago. There was a youthful optimism that, like it or not, Melanie helped bring out in me. Maybe it wasn’t Mel at all. Maybe it was just being in a relationship that I thought was going somewhere. Maybe one day I will have that again. But the days of the calendar have changed, and this is today. I’m back to being unsure of what I want – I’m just older now.

2-09-10

What an incredible difference one month makes.  Going out on dates with four different girls, settling into something that could’ve been incredibly ‘comfortable,’ with the last one, only to have rug ripped out at the last minute.  It was no one’s fault.  I mean, the big guy upstairs has lessons for me, and I realized that what I want isn’t going to be found in someone else’s arms, thoughts or heart.  They’re going to have to want me for me – warts and all.

I now have no prospects – no line on the horizon so to speak.  I’m praying that the company I interviewed with a couple weeks ago wants to give me a shot and that at least I can get back on my feet and my head into a new game.  The heart can wait for now.  The joker asked ‘Why so serious?’ — maybe he was on to something…

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~ by kjbox76 on February 9, 2010.

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