Passion Pit

I was told today that my need for self preservation basically outweighed my passion. Naturally a statement like that, made by someone I care about, is cause for self reflection and careful thought. I was also told I wasn’t the same person that sent all of the emails/communications that I sent in the beginning and that I was pulling away. Now it’s also important to note that I thought I was the clearcut choice in the beginning but as it turned out, I wasn’t. After some time, this person decided they missed me and decided I deserved somewhat of an honest shot.

Now I don’t know how many people have been in a similar situation, or wouldn’t just be like ‘Eff it. You don’t wanna be with me? Fine. I’ll just move on.’ But I stuck around because I felt there was something deeper there and that this person really wasn’t happy in their current situation. When this person finally decided to give me a true chance, I sided with my gut and said ‘let’s take things slow.’ Most would respect that plea and understand where I might be coming from. I mean, I really had no guarantees that this person would stick around after the previous experience and I’ve never found anything that managed to work when one person jumps from one relationship to the next (see my last major relationship as a prime example).

The thing that really gets me is that I hung out with this person last weekend and we had, seemingly, a great time. We communicate daily and had plans to hang out this Friday. I was told I was pulling away and becoming distant though. I wish all relationships, at the front end, were like a Disney movie where the bluebirds perched on your shoulders and the chipmunks swayed to a happy-go-lucky whistle, but that’s just not reality.

I am passionate and yearn to find someone who shares some of my various passions and can bring new ones into my life as well. But I’m not going to sacrifice any more mental/emotional health on a lark. If someone wants complete intensity upfront to help them get through later on when things get tough – well that screams to me that they’re not going to be there for me when the chips are down and they lose any level of passion for me. I am a fan of building things slowly even if that means complicating things up front with actual, true feelings and thoughts instead of fantasy.

And yeah, on that point, I am a bit unapologetic.

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~ by kjbox76 on March 4, 2010.

 
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